If I ever recalled my interest in DeviantART, it it would have been Facebook instead. I haven't settled or published any new works since a decade ago, felt like a decade ago. So why is it? I have been a member here since ages and always love DeviantART throughout the year. So what have I been doing all these months, and almost a year or more, being inactive here?
Well, it's a hell long of a story. I had been off here for many reasons. And the main reason is because of love, relationship, friendship and many experience I had encountered in the year 2009. I had learned a lot from many experience, and finally discovered who I am in person. There were happy moments and sad moments. Stories and encounters like a bible. I wish I could go back to the past in 2009 and fix all my mistakes I had made. I've overspent my parents budget in Australia, until when I look at the figures today I still couldn't believe how could someone spend so much money within a year. I've made a lot of new friends, good and bad too, been helped, been used, been betrayed, you name it.
Because I guess what affects me the most was love. On the 25th of August 2009 was my 20th birthday and I made a wish. I wish that I had a girlfriend. I felt my life was incomplete, I needed someone to be there with me, to care for me, and to love me in return. And within a week, I met a girl called Jasmine. Which then I just googled Jasmine in Wikipedia, means "Gift from God". She was everything I wanted as a girlfriend, and I loved her so much. I never felt so in loved before in my life. I just want to spend every single minute of my life with her. She was wonderful, and I was obsessed with her. Although we weren't together for long, but the days we spend was so memorable, till today I still couldn't let it go.
But things got really complicated at end of the year and we had a break. And the break just broke us apart. I guess it was because of the trust mainly and my inexperience. There was faith and there was hope for us to get back together, but there wasn't a miracle. At times I was very angry, and I felt sorry. But then sometimes when I look how she treated me, I couldn't put things to sense and I guess that is what tore us apart. After the break up, I had lost my passion to love. I couldn't be stuffed doing any shoots or making any conceptual series. I was dead, in love with love. I miss her so much, I never loved someone so badly that I could do anything to get her back. But I already did everything I could, and I guess the answer is time, and maybe after a year i'll get a chance to see her.
I've settled, I've understood; however the flower has blossomed, but I still long for the fruitless flower. Although the words were not wrong, sometimes people like to suffer or be tortured; too conscious, it is pitiful but doesn't help. If one can act so reasonable, that relationship may be fake. Perhaps there is a price for happiness. She understand my attitude the best, lovelorn is a setback which will help people mature. I'm felt sorry that I wasn't careful with my words and feelings as I haven't had a girlfriend for half a decade. She was very special to me, and I will always carry her heart, in my heart. Because of her, she has given me strength, given me unlimited luck.
I was very persuasive and trying to put things to sense, I had explained every detail with logic to make her understand. But it was too late and she just wanted to be single. She was sick and tired of love and relationships. I know she has been hurt badly in the past and she just needed her space. And it took me a while to realized that we shouldn't be together. But in the end, we will see each other with someone else. There will be a day we will find the only one, and I am not her only one. We will smile as we congratulate one another. Love will make people suffer, this is why we chose this path. To be each others friends instead of lovers.
Nobody can be friends forever and nobody can be enemies a lifetime. I hope she accepts my apology, and I will still take her as a friend in the near future. I hope she understand the reason of me blocking her off my facebook and I have deleted all her contacts. It is not because of hatred. I just felt it is much reasonable for me not to recall her so soon. I will try my best to forget about the past and move on. What we did in the past was very memorable to me.
So I guess time will tell. I hope I will get my passion back as soon as possible, and meet someone new this coming semester.